But, What if I Mess Up?

oh boy. A question I have stuggled with over and over again. Mainly because I keep messing up. The Christian life has high expectations. Not because it is needed for salvation, don't get me wrong. But If you have God, why wouldn't you want to be more like Him? I've been thinking about that age old question. I'd offer you money to guess it but I'd lost money on this one. You know, why are we here? Just because we ask the question means there must be something we're missing, right? If we were fufilling our purpose for being here we wouldn't feel like something is missing. Therefore, when I asked myself this question I realized something wasn't right. Something was missing. What was missing? A drive. I have short term goals. Finish school, be a teacher, get 20 Asian kids and give them all mullets. Typical goals. Anyway, but really why am I here? Easy. God. There is no point for me to continue my life if I'm not trying to live for Him. There is nothing to win. There is no joy. So I decided I would live life for Him.

But, what if I mess up? What if I lie? I mean, I know I'm forgiven. But why? Why would the Perfect Creator forgive me? There is no reason for Him to. Why did He even make me when He knew I'd mess up big time? I work with kids. Awful, horrible, gross, five year olds. Sometimes they hit their friends and sometimes they whine. They lie about everything and disobey every chance they get. But if I could go back and make sure they are in my class, I would. I love them. I'd do anything for them. Each one. Even that one girl that stepped on my fingers, ON PURPOSE. I'm not bitter.... Anyway the point is take that amount of love (my friends know this, I talk about them all. the. time.) and perfect it. I can't even love them perfectly like I am loved. Crazy. Is your mind blown yet? No? You're not thinking hard enough. You know that thing you did? That no one knows about. The sin you just don't want to talk to God about cause you know what He'll say. The thing you can't even tell your best friend because you're too ashamed. Yeah, you're forgiven. So forgiven that God doesn't even see it. He doesn't look at you as "the kid that stepped on my hand on purpose but I still love" nope. He just looks at you as "that kid I died for and would do it again". Mind. Blown. Yeah? yeah.

Then we look at the fact that God doesn't see your sin but still knows everything you do. Whoa. This is crazy stuff that we all heard growing up. But when you think about it I can't see how this stuff is real. Why me? If you wanna talk about messing up I gottcha covered. But he still..... loves me? and forgives me? and doesn't even see it... but knows what I did? ALSDKFJASDIEA WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

So I mess up. Now what? I ask for the forgiveness He's already given me. Why? cause I know that I can't do this alone. How do I know this? I just tried. And failed... again. I just did it my way. I just learned that didn't work. I can't do anything myself. I'm the little baby that can't even hold my head up without His hand supporting me. So then I don't just accept that He'll forgive me if I do it again. Because no matter how much I get off the path I still allow Him to save me. Note: I didn't say I still try to follow Him. Because that's the point, folks. I CAN'T do it. I can't get back on the path. I can't fix it. Thank God (for real)